Okay. I'm going to be really honest now and admit that much of my personality requires that my children be not just happy (as the usual mantra goes), but I want them to be in a relationship and happy. Obviously I don't want the' in a relationship and unhappy' because we've tried that and it really isn't great, for both them and me. How shallow does that make me?
I'm guessing it's to do with the fact that they are now old enough to leave home and have lives of their own, only I really want them to have somone to share it with, someone to take care of them, someone to support them and the truth is .someone who chooses them. There's my own feelings of insecurity rising up so high that it overflows onto my girls, who thankfully have inherited more of the security of their father who actually couldn't care at all. Well other than if there was someone else who could 'pay' for them.
It also stems from my own sense of awe that in spite of all kinds of disasters I ended up with 'the one' and don't we always want better for our children. So who do I look to for this? I credit God with, second to my salvation, the best thing that ever happened to me. Alan. And if he could do it for me, yes even me, he sure can work it for my girls.
So I pray and wait, I dream and wait, I long and wait until the day we can 'hand them over' .
Meanwhile, when I'm not constantly reminding Him, or begging Him, or demanding of Him, or pleading with Him, I try really hard to just be still. A verse in Exodus summed it up for me the other day: "The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still".
Alright! I know I'm rubbish at it though.
No comments:
Post a Comment